Cricket Stories.

send in any funnies,sledges and stories from anything relating to cricket.

1

New Zealand vs South Africa: Daryll Cullinan was batting, attempting a comeback from a complete bamboozling from Warne in earlier games. Cullinan played the first ball from Chris Harris very carefully back down the pitch, and keeper Parore yelled out "Well bowled Warnie!"

2

"Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for Glocuestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used to bat at No.11 since one
couldnt bat any lower. Of him, they used to paraphrase Comptons famous words describing an equally inept runner; "When he shouts YES for a run, it is merely the basis for further negotiations!" Incidentally, Compton was no better.

John Warr said, of Compton "He was the only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same time." Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous runner as the No.10. During a county match, horror of horrors.......both got injured.

*Both* opted for runners when it was their turn to bat.

Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the other end. In the melee, someone decided that a second run was on. Now we had *all four* running. Due to the confusion and constant shouts of "YES" "NO", eventually, *all* of them ran to the same end.

Note - at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor laughing their behinds out. One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the ball and throws down the wicket at the other end. Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs them "One of you buggers is out. I dont know which. *You* decide and inform the bloody scorers!".

3

Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game.

Viv missed a superb outswinger, and Thomas said

"Its red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces."

Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for a 6 and replies,"Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!"

4

Mark Waugh was known as Afghanistan since he was often the forgotten Waugh; also he was known as Audi after he got 4 ducks in a row which were recorded in the scorebook as 0000.

5 Sledges

Shane Warne - Darryl I've been waiting years for the chance to embarass you again.
Darryl Cullinan - Really, it looks like most of the time you spent eating.

Glenn McGrath - What does Brian Lara's cock taste like?
Ramanesh Sarwan - I don't know ask your wife
Glenn McGrath - You mention my f*cking wife again and i'll rip your f*cking throat out!

Mervyn Hughes to Gooch after playing and missing at a number of consecutive deliveries: I'll get you a piano instead to see if you can play that.

Inzaman Ul-Haq to Brett Lee - Stop bowling off-spinners.

Rod Marsh to Ian Botham - So how's your wife and my kids?

Mark Waugh - Mate what the f*ck are you doing out here, surely you're not good enough to play for England!
James Ormond - At least I'm the best cricketer in my family.

Ian Healy trying to convince Ranatunga to leave his crease - Put a mars bar on a good length, that should do it!

Mark Waugh - I remember you from a couple of years ago in Australia, you were sh*t then and you're f*cking useless now.
Adam Parore - Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt".

Merv Hughes used to have a problem with staring at Viv Richards after he bowled.
Vivian Richards - This is my island, my culture. In my culture we don't stare we just go back and bowl.
After Dismissal Merv Hughes - In my culture we just say f*ck off!

Ian Botham - It weighs about 5 ounces, it's red, shiny, round and you're supposed to hit it!
Viv hits it for 6 and says - You know what it looks like, you go find it!

Ian Healy
Picked up by the Channel Nine microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"


Healy to Ranatunga: "Why are you so fat?"
Ranatunga in Reply: : "Because everytime i f**k your mum she gives me a cookie"

Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been
waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

Robin Smith & Merv Hughes
During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't f**king bat".
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."

Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor.
A few balls latter Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

6

The definition of Cricket as explained to an American:
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.

Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.

When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.

When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game